The thing is, how much longer am I going to be able to sell stuff before it runs out? I'll do whatever it takes to keep dragging it out but at the moment it's feeling like nothing is ever going to be enough. Don't get me wrong, it's saved my proverbial behind many a time and we've paid a lot of bills but IT NEVER ENDS! And I've had a bit of a crap thing happen. You see last year I was offered a job at a local real estate office which was supposed to be starting in April. I had it in writing, even the bank manager had been given confirmation. Year-round positions like this are hard to find in our little town and I felt very lucky. At 30+ hours a week this would be the answer to my problem and if I was still able to keep up a few shifts a week at the club too, even better. All I had to do was get through the next few months and Ali and I would be home and hosed!
All through March I waited but heard nothing. People asked me constantly 'When does your new job start?' and I was starting to wonder myself but still wasn't panicking. After all, I had it in writing and so did the bank. Things got busy and before we knew it we were well into April but I still wasn't that worried; it would happen! But in the end I couldn't stand the not knowing any more and contacted my new employer. Who responded that the member of staff whose job I had been offered was no longer going overseas and was now staying on. Bugger. I still haven't told the bank yet but I'm going to have to very soon because the past couple of days I've come to the horrible realisation that I simply can't survive. Not for any length of time anyway. I've been selling everything I can left right and centre and doing everything possible to try and pay off my debts and I have and I'm proud of that. But I can't keep going. Our little town pretty much dies in winter and I just don't earn enough to pay for even the basics. Quite frankly I'm sh*tting myself. So was Ali when I mentioned to him in passing this morning that we might have to sell the dining table and chairs. Yes, I have reached a new low point, selling essential furniture items! OK well I haven't reached it yet. But lying awake at night thinking about it is pretty close.
So what's the plan? I'm going to have to put my thinking cap on and I might need an extra brain or two to help me. Realistically I don't think I can reduce our costs any more. We need power. We need a car. We need Internet and we need insurance. Things like rates and ACC are also unavoidable. What I need to do is make more money somehow! Obviously I'm applying for jobs where I can but they are pretty few and far between at this time of year and being in a small town you're usually vying with half the neighbourhood for a coveted position. And then there's my writing. If I work every hour God sends I can see any opportunity to write going down the gurgler. And that is ridiculously frustrating. I've been offered a book deal from one of the country's biggest publishers for God's sake, that's the stuff I've always dreamed of - but I can't afford to take the time out it needs to write! How shite is that? A writer who can't afford to write. Ugh.
God, listen to yourself Jack. I'm sorry I may sound all doom and gloom but there's plenty of life in the old girl yet. I am not going to give up easily and I know there are still some things I could do better. I don't have the first idea about getting myself 'out there' as a writer, you know, all that networking and stuff. I'm happy wittering on in my little space here but funnily enough I'm not too comfortable blowing my own trumpet. I read things about people I know who have made money writing e-books and have a squillion blog followers and Facebook fans and I think 'Wow, that's brilliant, yeah, I should do that!' It all comes down to three little words. Procrastinators Unite Tomorrow. That and lack of confidence, lack of know-how. But I guess if I want to keep my dining table I'm going to have to learn.
Anyway, first things first. I have to get through the next week. I have bills to pay, I still haven't told the bank I have no shiny new real estate job to look forward to and the mortgage is due to come off interest only this month. If I don't use our grocery money I can pay at least one bill, hopefully two. And unless you've never met me before or been hiding under a rock you'll know how I'm going to do that - yes folks, it's time to dust off the $21 Challenge!