Tooth and Nail

Finally, the first official blog of the year!  And we're well overdue for a catch up, how long have you got?  I shall try and pack as much as I can into a nutshell but there's no easy way to say some of it. Firstly I must apologise for barely writing in so long.  Towards the end of last year I got a full time job, everything happened very suddenly and I just kind of disappeared from blog land overnight. Apart from the fact I was so flat out I didn't have time to write any more, all was lovely jubbly for a while.   After all the months of struggling to find work and not knowing where the next dollar was coming from, it was a brilliant feeling to know that regular money was finally coming in and my life was back on track and heading in the right direction.

The thing is, life has a way of throwing you off track just as quickly as it sets you on it and as we all know when it comes to me, life wouldn't be normal without a big curveball whacking me over the head!  You may have heard me mention before about The Thing I Can't Write About.  And I still can't and quite possibly will never be able to, but suffice to say the past seven or eight months have been absolute hell.  And to quote Forrest Gump as I am apt to do, 'that's all I have to say about that'. It's not just my hell though, others have been going through it with me just as much or even worse. But when it comes to the financial repercussions of the past eight months, this has been mine to carry alone.  As I write, I am close to losing everything.

How close?  Well I don't know because I've been too busy running away and hiding from everything you see. I knew bloody well everything was falling apart around me but I already had way too much on my plate to deal with people who didn't know me or didn't care. Did I give a stuff about being a whole $80 overdrawn or bills not being paid?  Did I hell.  There was nothing I could do about it anyway. Money had been hemmoraghing out of my account for months and I didn't have a hope of being able to catch up. Banks, phone calls, letters, emails - I was so scared to open my mail I didn't even know my divorce had gone through until three weeks after the letter arrived!  You can't imagine how happy I was to open it and discover it wasn't a bill!

As can happen when things get out of control, you stop looking after yourself.  Every day was just a blur and I stopped cooking and shopping properly; feeding whoever was around anything I could get my hands on just so they were fed and didn't bother me.  I also decided it was the perfect time to start drinking like a fish and smoking like a train, you know; just to help the financial situation even further!  Fortunately a New Year dawned and along with it new beginnings and new resolutions. And then I lost my job.  One minute I was working away at my desk, half an hour later I was packed up and home for good.  It was just unfortunate circumstances, nothing anyone could have done about it and no hard feelings.  But this meant that any chance I had of getting back on track had now gone flying out the window.

So now I'm Jack the Dole Bludger!  Not by choice you understand, I'd much rather be working but the reality of the situation is I can't go out to work right now, or look for a new job either.  I've been signed off for three months with acute stress and after that - well we'll just have to see where we're at. I've learned not to plan anything any more.  My local WINZ office has been amazing, everyone is so supportive and helpful and they are doing everything they can to get every cent I'm entitled to.  The only problem with that is, $477 a week barely even covers the mortgage, let alone any bills.  I won't bore you with the nitty gritty of my debts, that's a whole other blog.  I know there are countless people out there who are in far worse debt than me but that's not the point.  The scary part is not being able to see how you're ever going to catch up and the even bigger fear of falling further behind. And not having a plan.  I've always had a plan before but I'm all out of ideas right now.  I've sold everything I possibly can with the exception of my grandmothers (God rest their souls) and that alone has kept me afloat for a couple of years but there really is nothing else left I can see to part with.

There's only one possible way I can see of ever being able to get out of this situation.  After a long break I've joined Simple Savings again.  Reading through all the tips and discussions is like catching up with a dear friend.  There is so much I had forgotten!  So much I used to do that I don't do any more, and so much more I can do.  It's jogged my memory, but more importantly it's lit a fire in my belly.  I will NOT let this beat me.  I will NOT lose my house.  I will hang onto it tooth and nail.  And as I go along on this new stage of my journey I'll do my best to share as much I can with you, just in case it helps someone else.  Are you ready?  I think I'm going to be a busy wee blogger from now on!